The Unknown, The Familiar, The Bleakness
TWP #12 - A never ending spiral of blah.
In the past 7-8 years I often find myself is a perpetual state of bleakness, which is to say compounding lack of motivation, constant failures and just straight burned out from the ambitions of my youth. With all these things I want to achieve, want to build and want to accomplish, what if that just isn’t who I am. I wont accomplish the things I set out to in this life, maybe just accept where I am at and be happy with the present. I like to think somewhere in a parallel world I can overcome the shattered mind and actually find myself in a place of happiness. Maybe in a future life, some where across time, I can overcome the bleakness that surrounds me. But for now I try to move forward. Trudging through quick sand, swimming against the current, wandering in emptiness toward goals that seem to ever far away. Fighting myself, fighting failures, succumbing to bleakness.
Random Thoughts
The grass is always greener. Grass here is subjective. Grass represents the choice you made, the decision you had to execute on. Living with the consequences of those choices far out weigh the thought of not knowing at all. Living with the idea of “what if”, until the next decision presents itself.
It may not be the right choice, but the choice itself is correct. The act of choosing something different is in itself greener.
An Update on Project Pluto
Its been a quiet few weeks. I decided to build a new PC to replace my ~5 year old one and that led to not getting a lot of work done. The old pc was just showing its age especially in Unreal Engine 5, and on top of that I couldn’t quite take advantage of the ray tracing additions found on the newer Nvidia cards. I ended up going for a 3080 to replace my 1080Ti and for the first time went AMD for the CPU over Intel. Below is a pic of the build. This is the first time I built a new PC since 2007 when I built my first exclusively for World of Warcraft. This new rig is more for game dev, machine learning and very little gaming. I prefer consoles to PC for the most part, except for MMO’s. Dev work will pick back up this week, I am redesigning the observation deck. A large area with giant glass walls to give a full view of the emptiness of space.
Observation desk redesign is moving along. As someone with not the best artistic abilities I found some great assets that fit what I am trying to build. So I am learning the best way to build out this particular section as well as working on lighting.
My goal is to have this space laid out by next week. So this bleak area should look much cleaner, brighter and comforting.
Off We Ride
Until next time, maybe I wont be so tired.